Lyrics

Bill Shipper and Richard Lederer

I know a guy who’s quite a joker
Knows nothing ‘bout high stakes poker
Lost his shirt on a bad bet,
He’s not playing with a full deck

He’s not playing with a full deck
A sandwich short of a picnic
Two cans less than a six pack
He’s not playing with a full deck

He’s a bubble off plumb,
One brick short of a full load
Lights on but nobody home
That driveway doesn't reach the road,

Somebody blew out his pilot light,
A dim bulb in the marquee of life
Sharp as a bag of wet mice
He takes an hour to cook Minute Rice

All foam and no beer
All lime and salt but no tequila
His brain is stuck in first gear,
Personality of an engineer

He’s a legend in his own mind
Not ready for prime time
A penny short of a paradigm.
That baler’s done run out of twine

He’s not playing with a full deck
A sandwich short of a picnic
Two cans less than a six pack
He’s not playing with a full deck

She's running on empty,
Slow as molasses in January,
Not the brightest bulb in the Christmas tree,
About a day past her warranty,

As useful as a brick life vest,
Rode hard and put up wet.
Her learning curve looks like Mount Everest.
Got a perfect hundred on her IQ test.

Her dipstick is a quart low,
Got an ego like a black hole.
Useful as a submarine with a screen door
Her brain’s on cruise control

She’s not playing with a full deck
A sandwich short of a picnic
Two cans less than a six pack
She’s not playing with a full deck

As sharp as a mashed-potato sandwich
All the notes, none of the music.
Vacuum-tube brain in a world of microchips
Her blender doesn't go past "mix".

All hat and no cattle
All horse and no saddle
That cornbread ain't done in the middle
Up the creek without a paddle

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Somebody stepped on his flower bed
His brain’s an unfurnished room for rent
Wheel’s spinning but the hamster is dead.

He’s not playing with a full deck
A sandwich short of a picnic
Two cans less than a six pack
He’s not playing with a full deck